Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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