walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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