I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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