When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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