you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
