Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
