My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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