bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
