I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
