your thong is hanging out like whoa
My sheets look like a crime scene.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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