a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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