he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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