I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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