what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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