Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
