so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
