I got her a Nickelback box set.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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