i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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