There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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