i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
