Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
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Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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