First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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