The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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