he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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