Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
