i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
