im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
