I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
