That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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