I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
