Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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