Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
