genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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