Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
