o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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