Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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