On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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