Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
