i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize