I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
