we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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