i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
