when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
