he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
