Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
