she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we're making bets on your personal life
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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