My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
