i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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