You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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