Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
