I heard we made out
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
