i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
