I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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