she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The power of my boobs compel you
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
