I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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