Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
