Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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