I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
