my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
