Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
