Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
me + whiskey = a bad person
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
