my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
