Tell her she can't have a vagina
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
