I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
