I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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