after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
