This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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