so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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