I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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