as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
