i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
