I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
