we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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