I wish I could teleport
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
