better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
