I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They took my balls.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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