Cold hands, warm shart.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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