so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
