fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
