dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
