I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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