Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby