How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity